he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We got so high we made milksteak
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
