are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
