You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
