yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
