I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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