and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Slut skills are useful in every country.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
