i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
