I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
