Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
