Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
