How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
