I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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