I am puke
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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