finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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