Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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