I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
