so that wasnt chicken after all
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
