I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
