actually, I'm a sock model
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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