"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
