The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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