Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
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Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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