thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
