My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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