Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
