Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just cropdusted the office
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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