im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
