i was born a porn star she said
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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