they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize