i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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