do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
