i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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