he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
pray to the hookup gods
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
