if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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