I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
