Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize