Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
