This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
