perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
