it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
