hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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