break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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