am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
