Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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