final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
