It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize