so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I want a musical about memes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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