...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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