I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
