Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
