So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
