So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just gift wrapped bread.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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