So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
