How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
