Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
