Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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