So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
