whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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