my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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