i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
