He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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