Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
