I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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