I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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