Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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