I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize