his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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