the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
