I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
